How it turned

Glad that I've met one.

Not sure since when I was always in a dull situation and negative mood.

Of course I do live and laugh and get angry like what usual life goes on,

but deep inside me I can't feel myself living.

Breathless soul giving up of oxygen kind of feeling.

Like I find no point to live, no motivation to make life good.

I knew what I can only do is to make myself better to make life better.

But I just gave up and slack.

One whole month of semester break, started great with a China trip with paa&mii.

But deep inside I can feel that's what I should do but not what I feel like doing.

The feel sucks man.

What more am I asking for?

Even travelling was not a thing for me.

Guess nothing was a thing for me by that time.

Went places, had tasteless food with my sinusitis (another lame thing, healthy af person fell sick for the whole trip, life sucks to the max without food for real), took tons of photos which can make me remember my trip in the future. That's all.

I can't feel the love for China like I thot I'll.

And trip ended, holidays go on, and I hung myself on internet everyday,

ignoring all those stuffs I'm suppose to do,

Forced myself to see people, but deep inside I just wanna die on internet.

Until the last trip which I felt myself is obligated to.

On the last night of the trip, finally we talked, finally I talked.

Long lost late night talk.

I almost forget how it feels like.

Finally being wholeheartedly honest to yourself, admit how deeply rotten you're, pouring out your most fearful insecurities.

And I'm cying to myself.

I'm finally seeing the long lost me who I buried deep down,

it was such a pleasant to see her again.

Guess this is where it all started again,

I started to live again,

I don't want to disappoint her and lose her again.

And thank you PPT for making this happened, tho you fell asleep at the end.

Deep late night talk will be the cure for me,

save me whenever I need your hand again.

Until then, I'll be living good. I am trying.